i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
