used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize