wat bout pragnant strippers??
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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