I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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