Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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