I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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