And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
