Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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