Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
