so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
