I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
