i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
