the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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