Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
