Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
