Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
