i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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