My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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