It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
