i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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