i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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