It's Friday. Sex?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
