i think i have two assholes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
