Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it because I queefed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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