he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
