i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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