Betty ford says i'm here all night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
