Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
