When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
