would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
