When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
birth control should be required to get into college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
