I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize