he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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