how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
