how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
