We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
