That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
