i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
