Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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