what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
