I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
