Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
