i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
