sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
