We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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