Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
