It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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