I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
