I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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