This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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