either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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