I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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