Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
