is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
