I love black thongs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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