I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you never un-have a 4some
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
