party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
