Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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