this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
