if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
