Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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