once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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