It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
