I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
