I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
