So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
