how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize