IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize