Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
