i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
