I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
