I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
