I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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