The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
