i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
