i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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