I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
