vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
